‘I Dreamt of Sin and Aftermath’

I try to write my dreams down often, in order to chronicle my unconscious and to mine material for writing.

In the past three nights, I have experienced very intense nightmares. Though normally I might relish this feast of writing material, I am sure these dreams are being driven by my own anxiety. The waters rage and froth in my primitive bird brain.

Lovers, you should know I lead a double life.

Outside these walls of books, word counts and writer neurosis, I have a separate manifestation of myself, with its own day jobbery and a big goal, going to graduate school for a masters degree (not in creative writing or the arts). Lately, these worlds are pressing onto each other, and cracks are beginning to show. I have mentioned in earlier posts that I have been reworking my future writing schedule to accomodate the other life, my double life. And simply put, I haven’t written shit in almost two months.

Well, today I an here to say my writing will not diminish. Yes, grad school will go on, but I will not attempt double courseload next quarter. Instead, I will go down to one class, and perform well in it.

I will query again.

I will respect my weekly word counts, and “Rotnacht” will finally be underway. The goal is 2,500 words a week.

And there will be balance again. My two manifestations will coexist. In peace.

An old lover (who used to be one of my first readers for my fiction) once praised my efforts in my graduate studies, but he advised me to never drop my writing habits, nor my drive to get my novels published. I respect his advice a lot because he himself has three graduate degrees and has achieved lots of success through discipline and determination. I am now following his advice and logic.

Because writing, in the end, is what has always lain in the bottom-most sediment of my psyche.

And plus, I have lots of nightmares to turn into narratives now.

Tech note: This post was fully written on an iPhone using the WordPress app.